My Defects

I can be careless and unaware of the consequences of my behavior.

For example:

  • I hit my next door neighbor in the head with a souvenir baseball bat while practicing a swing and never saw him again.
See the Shocking Consequences
  • Rather than seeking to repair the relationship, I obsessed on my Man from Uncle Briefcase, with built in Pea shooter, and tried to talk my mother into letting me get a Bowie Knife.
  • My other next door neighbor tried to talk me into relying on God, but I was more interested in finding a four leaf clover.
  • When my mother found a new home for us, rather than being grateful for the new start, I focused my attention on how I would be able to best the new man in her life.
  • When I realized I couldn't compete with the little guy because he was so strong, I blamed our culture for belittling him, instead of admitting the fact that I couldn't do anything about it.

And, though I've always believed in being just and doing good, I was not prepared to deal with evil or vengeance until I perceived it in my own life.

For example:

  • While I went to rescue my daughter, another child was destroyed in order to silence me, and prevent me from my opportunity.
  • When I worked for others who were seeking justice, I did not realize that they too may have died because they were seeking justice....until later.
  • And while following instructions may not have worked for me when I was a child, when I grew up and continued to follow instructions, I learned from my mistakes as a child.
If being a snitch is considered a problem, keep track of who you're talking to. And if who your talking too isn't causing the problem, is somebody else listening?

What I Failed to Do:

  • Because I despaired, I failed to do what I needed to do. Because I failed to do what I needed to do, I could not make use of my talents.
  • Though it is clear that I've been forgiven in many ways, I have not always been able to forgive others.
  • I have not always been able to take blame away from others.
  • I did not always keep confessions confidential out of my desire to set matters straight.
  • I have not been able to prevent much of the harm that continues to myself and others.
  • Failing to notice what bothers others, I may fail to address the most important problems in my life.
  • I fail my creator, and those we seek to help by allowing harassment, disruption and interference to continue in my life.
  • I do not always trust what I've been told to do because it fails.
  • I do not a put the wants and needs of others before my own so I can be useful to them when my needs are met.
  • I do not prioritize my business while criminal interference disrupts it.
  • I cannot always prioritize the care of my body, mind, or properties.

What I Should Have Done Instead:

  • Walk the talk, and make the most of every moment.
  • Be respectful of the boundaries of others and mind my own business.
  • Consider what might have been, rather than what was.
  • Make amends to those I've harmed, regardless of their behavior with me.
  • Replace negative thoughts with positive experiences and memories of things I enjoy in life.
  • Respect the power of nature, the authority of those who govern, and the teachers and healers.
  • Take good care of myself so I can pay my debts and give back to the people who survive me.
  • Do the right thing, rather than focusing on feeling good.
  • Be honest enough to learn from my mistakes, and open enough to be useful with what I've learned.

My Penance

Gates of Repentance for the Days of Awe

(To be present and available by being of love and service to others.)

God, help me keep my conscience clear, and when I am tempted to be offensive, to remember Your patience with me. Teach me to rely on Your healing power, and to put childish things away.

Show me what to do in each questionable situation, and grant me the strength and sanity I need to do Your will.

Help me to remember all the things You've done for me, are doing for me, and will do for me.

You have plans for my eternal happiness, and are with me now in this effort to bring peace and closure to my past life.

You love me God, very much, because I am me.

Help me to grow in Your knowledge, and love through all my travails and difficulties in the past and present, because the past is still affecting my present.

Direct my thinking, may it especially be divorced from self pity, dishonest and self seeking motives.


  • To try to be helpful to those I've harmed in whatever ways I am able.
  • To be charitable, compassionate and magnanimous.
  • To be trustworthy, and trusting, without unhealthy attachment.
  • To be responsible, accountable, loyal and true.
  • To be tender, loving, forgiving, gentle, kind, and understanding - and forsaking that, to take my leave and return when I am able.
  • To be respectful, and well mannered.
  • To be pure, and honorable.